Overcoming the inner critic – Mindfulness & Buddhism

"

We cannot let the breeze through the window, but we can at least open the window.

– Krishnamurti –

When we become still and listen inward, we know what is good for us. We have an inner compass that wants to guide us through the jungle of life. But we often overlook and ignore this compass. And then get lost. We find ourselves facing the same problems again and again. In states of exhaustion, negative thought patterns and thought loops, preferring to be in contact with Netflix on the sofa rather than facing the inner unrest, doubts and resistance or the endless sadness on a walk or in the yoga class.

If we are shaken awake at some point and our compensation strategies (e.g. watching TV, scrolling up and down on our cell phones, eating, smoking, drinking, shopping, complaining) no longer work, then it doesn’t necessarily get any easier. Maybe we make it to the yoga class and suddenly notice how untamed and wild things actually are in our bodyMindHeart.

At first, that might not feel good at all. I remember my first meditation retreat, where I heard the teacher talking about deep silence and peace of mind, while I mentally fell in love, built castles in the air (including a park), got married, had children, separated again, only to have sat on the cushion for 10 hours in the evening and NOT felt my breath. And not only that. The more I focused on my breath again and again, felt the individual steps on the earth, the calmer I became, the more I noticed the unkindness, devaluation and judgments within me. That had nothing to do with silence!

Zen garden in ToGenJi Temple Steyerberg

Every beginning is difficult. Without mindfulness, we won’t get out of the situation we’re in. And it’s good when we start to notice ourselves! With everything. With our fear, with our despair, our pain, our anger, our shame, with everything included! We are told that it is better to be happy, slim and healthy than sad, shaken and our appearance so completely different from the Instagram models.

If you notice yourself in your woe, then that is a gift! It is part of awakening. Everything is okay with you!! You are not alone! You just don’t notice the pain, insecurities, fears and worries of other people, because everyone is doing their best to shine and look good on the outside. Phew! Do you notice how exhausting that is?

What kind of awakening actually?

Small Buddha wisdom

The Buddha awoke to a few fundamental truths. He emphasized that it makes no sense to believe these truths, but rather to look for yourself what is real, what is healing and what is unwholesome. And not on Netflix or YouTube, but actually within you. Cell phone off, door closed, eyes and ears turned inward. Listen.

Four truths to which Buddha awoke, he called the “Four Noble Truths”. The first of these truths is: There is suffering, it is part of life. Phew! What a relief! So it’s normal, nothing wrong with me! In the second of these four noble truths, Buddha named the reasons for our dissatisfaction. Wanting to have something, rejecting something and not seeing things as they really are.

Note: The Pali word for “Dukkha” is often translated as suffering, but in fact it can be very subtle. Such a slight feeling of “Something is not quite right here. Something could be even better.”

In the third truth, Buddha says that there is a way out of suffering. Good news! He describes this path, called the “Noble Eightfold Path”, in the fourth truth.

To see things as they really are! What does that mean?

– According to Buddha –

(be sure to check it out for yourself!)

There is no fixed, independent self
Everything is transient (and therefore it makes no sense to cling to it)
There is nothing on the outside that brings absolute fulfillment. In other words: Life is inherently unsatisfying.

And now let's talk about the inner saboteur!

Even if the “Noble Eightfold Path” sounds a little old-fashioned, Buddha has given us some pretty practical tips. An important aspect of this path, called “sammā-ditthi” in Pali, is the appropriate (also appropriate for you and your life situation) way of striving, or practicing. He also called this path, which he encourages us to take in order to get out of the jungle of illusion, wanting and doing, the middle path. And here you are asked to become mindful so that you can understand yourself well in the following points named by Buddha (and thereby develop joy in what is good for you and, if necessary, come to the yoga class together with the inner critic):

Forest in Steyerberg

Avoid unwholesome states of mind! You know what that means and it doesn’t really need any text from me here. Nevertheless, a few examples: Avoid consuming what is not good for you. Don’t have an important conversation when you’re tired. Get enough sleep, you know what it takes. (Go to bed early, herbal tea, a lovely book to fall asleep to and no media consumption in the evening.) Be honest and sincere, generous and make sure that other people feel safe in your presence, then you will also sleep better because you will not be tormented by remorse. You can imagine that you have a garden and want to avoid something growing that harms your plants.
If unwholesome states of mind are there, such as greed, hatred, jealousy, envy, self-deprecation, comparison or all that we do in the presence of loved ones when we are feeling bad, then: Leave them! Quite simply.
(Naaaajaaa….Sometimes we need support for this.) If we are mindful and notice ourselves in our patterns with which we control and manipulate, then we can stop doing it. We wake up, leave a situation that is not good for us if necessary, go into the forest and shout at the tree instead of our partners, children or the boss. We don’t have to get on the train! When others gossip or complain, then we can feel our heart, be close to ourselves and feel what there is to feel. Get off your sofa and do what is good for you!!!!!! It’s like a closed fist that we open. Weed your garden!
Create wholesome states! Practice gratitude! Be generous! Perceive joy in others, perhaps by looking at the eyes of a child! Feel a spark of joy with your whole body. Bring the corners of your mouth up! Go for a walk, drink your tea mindfully, go out often, move! Like “planting seeds” in your garden, which you then water sufficiently. Surround yourself with people who are good for you.
When wholesome states are there, cultivate them! Enjoy the fruits in your garden! Focus on what is good and perceive it in your body. Again and again and each time a little longer!! Notice how good a yoga class or a walk does you!

Allow yourself to be weak and show yourself vulnerable. And look for people who are good for you. You can get support for this. Buddha didn’t do everything alone either.